I have frequently seen this dilemna in my own life and the sex addicts whom I have worked with, which I call the "double bind" of addiction. It is a very awful and tough place to be in, and people can be stuck in this spot for years.

The double bind of addiction kind of feels like this: You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Allow me to explain.

For many struggling with sexual addiction, the pain, misery, shame, emotional heartache and natural consequences that go with one's sexual addiction will become unbearable as it continues its destructive course. "I have got to stop!" one might think while they're on a binge or engaging in their compulsive behavior. Things typically continue to get worse in many (if not all) areas of one's life: family, marriage, finances, more time spent towards the addiction, emotional pain, spiritual vitality, depression, etc.

Ah, but as much one might realize one's addiction is an insidious menace that must be broken, one's attempts to abstain from one's addictive behavior can seem as equally painful. Simply put, the idea of relinquishing one's addiction can create all sorts of fear, anxiety, stress and internal conflict in oneself. For example, married men face the very real risks when he begins his recovery - and has to tell his wife that he has been committing adultery (physical or emotional with pornography) against her. Also, at the beginning of one's recovery and sobriety, the "letting go of the security blanket" that has acted as their best friend can be too much for some ... or at least it feels that way. Hence, a person might go "cold turkey" and avoid the very negative consequences of their addiction, but then they are faced with the cold and chilling reality of living a new life without their drug that has helped them cope for so long. It's can be a very scary place.

This is what is known as the double bind. I am not first to come up with this term, and in fact, one can probably read more about it in Alcoholics Anonymous literature or other addiction recovery readings.

But here's the important part: If you are reading this, struggling with sexual addiction and desiring freedom, there is a way out of this double bind. Please call me at (719) 395-2426 or e-mail me at stevegarufi-at-juno.com to get on the road the healing and freedom. I offer telephone counseling for individuals and groups and would be happy to work with you.

All the best,
Steve Garufi, M.A. L.P.C.
Journey Of Hope Counseling
Ph: (719) 395-2426

(Photo Above: Jones Mountain, alt. 13,200, near Cottonwood Pass in Colorado.)